Not an Odalisque

Myths about Sex

with 6 comments

Writing about sex gets me traffic. In the interests of giving my readers what they want, therefore, I give you a series of posts on the topic of myths about sex. This might take a while.

Men want meaningless sex, women want emotional attachment

I am surprised by the wide acceptance of this nonsense. Even Barbara Ellen of the Observer made this mistake recently (http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/nov/29/barbara-ellen-madeleine-martin-comment). So let me make this clear once and for all: I would like a good, anonymous shag. I don’t want to open up emotionally to a new lover. I don’t want to listen sympathetically to narratives of your tough day or childhood traumas. I don’t want to be nice and understanding. Right now, I have other things to do, selfish, me-centred things, and I’m not going to drop them just because we fucked.

This isn’t always the case. At different times of my life I’ve had more to give, and I expect that I will again. If tomorrow I meet a tall, handsome, Foucault-reading, Buffy-watching, present-buying, kink-indulging, snuggle-loving man, I will reassess my position. In the meantime, don’t jump to any conclusions.

I cannot be the only member of the female population who enjoys sex without craving commitment or cute pet names. Women have one night stands, go to swingers clubs and participate scenes. They go out to night clubs dressed in the shortest, tightest skirts and most padded of push-up bras. That’s the fabric equivalent of a sign saying “got dick?” I don’t think they are looking for emotional attachment.

“But,” I hear you say, “there are fewer women out trawling for sex than men.” Maybe that’s true, I’ve never counted. Are you sure that isn’t the bitterness of an unsuccessful night on the pull talking? I will concede that in the hierarchy of promiscuity, the all-male gay culture comes out top and the all-female lesbian culture is at the bottom. Is that because men are out for more meaningless sex? Maybe, but that doesn’t mean women don’t want it.

I could talk about the censure women suffer when words like ‘slag’ are thrown around, or the way that men sometimes seem to divide the female population into “girls to fuck” and “girls to marry.” Frankly, however, I think that only a minority of men practice those double standards. Much more dangerous is the man who simply assumes an emotional connection. When someone looks at you with big brown eyes and asks if he can cook you breakfast, how do you refuse? When he compliments you on your sense of humour, rather than your tits, do you tell him to shut it? Before you know it, you’re locked in, and trying to find a way to tell him that you didn’t stop seeing your other lovers just because he discovered that you like the same books. Boys, poor things, they are so needy.

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Written by Not an Odalisque

January 5, 2010 at 11:49 am

6 Responses

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  1. ‘Men want meaningless sex. Women want emotional attachment’
    I read a little while ago, something along similar lines but more scientifically based.
    Women look for attachement beacause of pheromones or babymaking crap whatever, but it takes them a week to get over a one night stand, because of the way our body reacts.
    Although, I’m completely in agreeance that some women just want something quick and unmeaningful, I do think there’s some truth in it taking a week to detach yourself from the other partner.

    -DAISY x

    daisyjenson

    January 5, 2010 at 11:49 pm

  2. Hey Daisy,

    Thank you for your comment. I appreciated your last one, too, it was the first positive comment I recieved.

    I am halfway through a reply, so you haven’t been ignored, I’m just taking a while. I’ll try to post it soon.

    Notanodalisque

    notanodalisque

    January 8, 2010 at 10:09 pm

  3. They go out to night clubs dressed in the shortest, tightest skirts and most padded of push-up bras. That’s the fabric equivalent of a sign saying “got dick?”

    Brilliant. That’s going in the quote bank.

    I will concede that in the hierarchy of promiscuity, the all-male gay culture comes out top and the all-female lesbian culture is at the bottom.

    From my experience, that’s false about lesbians. My sister is gay and apparently everyone at the local gay bar has shagged each other, apparently its like they take turns. It’s so bad that you can’t sleep with one girl without being dragged into a cat fight with eight others who slept with her in the past and still feel bitter about her.

    However, I will agree with you on this post. Why do women have to one way or the other, or men for that matter? We’re all people, we need different things at different times. Sometimes, it’s hot, smoking cock, other times it’s hot smoking love.

    goldnsilver

    January 12, 2010 at 2:45 am

  4. Speaking for the male gender, I would like to say thanks for the information about push-up bras… handy (pun intended).

    And thanks for commenting on my post, I wouldn’t have found yours otherwise (I don’t explore the blogsphere). Good read.

    uioae

    March 3, 2010 at 6:05 am

    • Thanks for the comment. I hasten to add that my interpretation of push-up bras may not be universal. I’d hate for you to get slapped.

      Not an Odalisque

      notanodalisque

      March 3, 2010 at 2:50 pm

  5. Personally, i research on casual sex because i want to know more of the pleasure it can give to people. I’m kinda curious about it.

    twinkyofalla

    March 29, 2010 at 5:20 am


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